This week we try out for a direct continuation of the highly potent Mrs Doubtfire franchise. We present to you our valiant attempt at developing a darker new chapter in everyone’s favourite quasi-Scottish nanny’s life…
Tom: yeah sure
lets do it
Mrs Doubtfire 2?
John: alan moore style
behind the mask
so it’s definitely a direct continuation, right? same cast?
Tom: oh absolutely
it’s set maybe 5 years later
the kids can be recast
and everything seems normal. Robin Williams is still doing the Mrs Doubtfire show
then one night he comes home to his wife and they’re in bed together. and he starts talking dirty in Mrs Doubtfire’s voice.
they both think it’s hilarious that he’s using an old woman’s voice while in bed. and laugh it off. but then robin williams goes to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and sees Mrs Doubtfire in the reflection
cue titles: Mrs Doubtfire 2: Burning Desire
John: because of the flaming fake breasts?
does that play a role in the next film?
Tom: that’s interesting. maybe in a freak accident on set, the breasts melt and get stuck to him
anyway. so basically robin williams has to deal with the fact that he can no longer control Mrs Doubtfire
also i seem to recall in the first that Mrs Doubtfire is always pining over her dead husband. i forget his name. We’ll call him Norman for the time being
Tom: and Mrs Doubtfire wants Norman back, so she’s on the hunt for a replacement Norman
that kindly old bus driver in the first film gets assaulted
John: ah maybe it could be a case of lost time
like robin williams wakes up and doesn’t remember the last few hours
sort of like a transvestite version of Memento
Tom: yeah, but he looks down and he’s wearing frilly knickers
John: that’s right
as Doubtfire he’s trying to fill the void left by norman
Tom: it also becomes a bit like The Fly. because it gets to the point where he’s physically turning into an old lady
he also needs Sally Field out of the picture as she’s not old enough for him
John: so Brundlefire is gradually morphing over the course of the second act, we’ve set up the schism between him and sally field in the first act, where do we go from there?
Tom: we need a hero
someone to save robin williams
John: the gay couple from the start of the first film?
Tom: oh no. they’re brainwashed by Brundlefire to try and use their make-up skills to make Sally Field look like poor deceased Norman
John: ah yes, of course
shouldn’t take that much work though
of course once she looks like Norman, Brundlefire will have to kill her, as Norman is dead. he/she needs to make things perfect
you know i hope the transvestite community isnt appalled by this film.
John: i think a lot of people are going to be appalled by this film. i’m also not sure how i feel about brainwashing the gay couple
there are so many nasty layers to this film
Tom: it’s a nasty film
John: we’ve still not got a hero though
Tom: the cover of the film though will look like the cover of Mrs Doubtfire 1
the trailer too, will be cut to look like a romantic comedy
John: so we’re really going for a suckerpunch of a movie
i like this
Tom: viral marketing too. Robin Williams dressed up as Mrs Doubtfire will respond to random ads in actual newspapers looking for a nanny
John: i think i’d be pretty terrified if williams turned up at my house responding to an ad
John: can pierce brosnan save him?
Tom: oh god i forgot about pierce
he’s the decoy hero though
John: so he dies?
Tom: like scatman crothers in The Shining
yeah. he comes to save the day, then Brundlefire shoves a pepper down his throat and his allergies kill him
John: can we have pierce get a call from williams right at the very start of the movie? so we keep cutting back to brosnan making his way across the globe
only to be peppered in the final reel
Tom: yeah of course
but we still need a hero
what other characters are there in the first one?
John: just looking through imdb, nothing is jumping out
we might need a new character
shouldn’t be too much of a stretch as we have all the important principle cast intact
John: joseph gordon levitt?
Tom: he’s a bit too good for this
John: paul walker
he’s going to be our muse
Tom: ok how about this
paul walker was raised by his grandma who died
and mrs doubtfire comes along and acts as a grandma figure
paul walker has no idea that it’s actually robin williams in disguise
he feels close with Doubtfire, not knowing what he/she is becoming
turns out that Paul Walker’s grandpa was the bus driver who mrs doubtfire murdered
and paul walker remembers his grandpa talking about an old lady with hair legs
and sees doubtfire shaving them and puts two and two together
John: this is such a tragic story
Tom: well with the help of paul walker, robin williams eventually destroys his alter ego
John: so does paul walker then ingratiate himself into the family?
Tom: if only it was that simple
this is where things get meta
robin williams weakened by mrs doubtfire isnt prepared for what happens next
John: now i’m terrified…
Tom: ALL of Robin Williams other alter egos staart to randomly surface as if he is malfunctioning
so Jack, Patch Adams, Bicentential Man, Jakob The Liar, Peter Pan etc…they all start surfacing randomly
like when the T-1000 at the end of Terminator 2 is malfunctioning
robin williams can no longer control his personality
John: ok i’m definitely in on this project
but don’t forget popeye
it’s kinda like a video game boss battle
with each personality, Paul Walker must find its weakness
John: i think we’ve got this wrapped up, what do you think? i’m confident about this one
This week we debate the merits of remaking my favourite film of all time, Primer…
Tom: we’ll do Primer next
all 6 versions of the protagonist fight through time
John: they’ll fight the other guy
7 to 6
Tom: dont worry. the outnumbered guy went back to prehistoric time and stole a T-Rex egg
he reared it for many years, and rides it with a saddle
John: maybe each one of the 6 Aarons could get an awesome weapon from different eras
like a trebuchet
and a howitzer
also, Abe has been recast with Wesley Snipes
Tom: i love it
‘Your TIME has run out Abe’ Aaron shoots Abe with a blunderbuss
lots of time puns
‘You’re LATE for your funeral’
John: early to bed, early to die
Tom: we might have to steal from The Fly, and have some creature get in the box while Abe is travelling
John: that’s so crushingly lame it could work
somewhere along the line aaron becomes a woman
Tom: who gives birth to the original Aaron
creating the ultimate paradox
John: which the movie then proceeds to never address again
close-up shot of Willem Defoe screaming
Tom: the sequel can be called Primers, and is set in a dystopic future, where everyone carries around a time travelling box
John: box? too unwieldy. in the future everyone carries around a metal sash
Tom: except one unassuming character who can travel through time at will and is the chosen one
he is THE PRIMER!!!
and wears black glasses and a long leather coat to prove this
John: he wears it because it was the first coat ever given to him (by himself from the future)
some terrible symbolism in there: first coat, primer, paint
i think i’m falling out of love with this project
Tom: you could say it’s before its time
John: time to call it a day
Diane Keaton and Jeff Goldblum have signed up for Morning Glory, a JJ Abrams and Bryan Burk-produced project which follows the travails of an aspiring news producer working to reconcile the differences of her anchors and save a morning show.
The lead is to be Rachel McAdams with Harrison Ford continuing his leap back into the acting world as one of the duelling anchors, alongside Keaton.
It’s being directed by Roger Michell, the man behind Shakespeare in Love along with the very good Enduring Love and the even better, Peter O’Toole-starring, Venus.
For me, it sounds somewhat interesting as it could potentially have some of the witty charm of the classic Broadcast News. Of course, that might just be hoping too high but I can’t envisage right now that this film could possibly be that bad.