The Movie Overdose Presents: Mrs Doubtfire 2
This week we try out for a direct continuation of the highly potent Mrs Doubtfire franchise. We present to you our valiant attempt at developing a darker new chapter in everyone’s favourite quasi-Scottish nanny’s life…
Tom: yeah sure
lets do it
Mrs Doubtfire 2?
John: alan moore style
behind the mask
so it’s definitely a direct continuation, right? same cast?
Tom: oh absolutely
it’s set maybe 5 years later
the kids can be recast
slightly older
and everything seems normal. Robin Williams is still doing the Mrs Doubtfire show
then one night he comes home to his wife and they’re in bed together. and he starts talking dirty in Mrs Doubtfire’s voice.
they both think it’s hilarious that he’s using an old woman’s voice while in bed. and laugh it off. but then robin williams goes to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and sees Mrs Doubtfire in the reflection
cue titles: Mrs Doubtfire 2: Burning Desire
John: because of the flaming fake breasts?
does that play a role in the next film?
Tom: that’s interesting. maybe in a freak accident on set, the breasts melt and get stuck to him
anyway. so basically robin williams has to deal with the fact that he can no longer control Mrs Doubtfire
also i seem to recall in the first that Mrs Doubtfire is always pining over her dead husband. i forget his name. We’ll call him Norman for the time being
John: ok
Tom: and Mrs Doubtfire wants Norman back, so she’s on the hunt for a replacement Norman
that kindly old bus driver in the first film gets assaulted
John: ah maybe it could be a case of lost time
like robin williams wakes up and doesn’t remember the last few hours
sort of like a transvestite version of Memento
Tom: yeah, but he looks down and he’s wearing frilly knickers
John: that’s right
as Doubtfire he’s trying to fill the void left by norman
Tom: it also becomes a bit like The Fly. because it gets to the point where he’s physically turning into an old lady
he also needs Sally Field out of the picture as she’s not old enough for him
him/her
John: so Brundlefire is gradually morphing over the course of the second act, we’ve set up the schism between him and sally field in the first act, where do we go from there?
Tom: we need a hero
someone to save robin williams
John: the gay couple from the start of the first film?
Tom: oh no. they’re brainwashed by Brundlefire to try and use their make-up skills to make Sally Field look like poor deceased Norman
John: ah yes, of course
shouldn’t take that much work though
Tom: ouch
of course once she looks like Norman, Brundlefire will have to kill her, as Norman is dead. he/she needs to make things perfect
you know i hope the transvestite community isnt appalled by this film.
John: i think a lot of people are going to be appalled by this film. i’m also not sure how i feel about brainwashing the gay couple
there are so many nasty layers to this film
Tom: it’s a nasty film
John: we’ve still not got a hero though
Tom: the cover of the film though will look like the cover of Mrs Doubtfire 1
the trailer too, will be cut to look like a romantic comedy
John: so we’re really going for a suckerpunch of a movie
i like this
Tom: viral marketing too. Robin Williams dressed up as Mrs Doubtfire will respond to random ads in actual newspapers looking for a nanny
John: i think i’d be pretty terrified if williams turned up at my house responding to an ad
John: can pierce brosnan save him?
Tom: oh god i forgot about pierce
of course
he’s the decoy hero though
John: so he dies?
Tom: like scatman crothers in The Shining
yeah. he comes to save the day, then Brundlefire shoves a pepper down his throat and his allergies kill him
John: can we have pierce get a call from williams right at the very start of the movie? so we keep cutting back to brosnan making his way across the globe
only to be peppered in the final reel
Tom: yeah of course
but we still need a hero
what other characters are there in the first one?
John: just looking through imdb, nothing is jumping out
we might need a new character
shouldn’t be too much of a stretch as we have all the important principle cast intact
John: joseph gordon levitt?
Tom: he’s a bit too good for this
John: paul walker
he’s going to be our muse
Tom: ok how about this
paul walker was raised by his grandma who died
and mrs doubtfire comes along and acts as a grandma figure
paul walker has no idea that it’s actually robin williams in disguise
he feels close with Doubtfire, not knowing what he/she is becoming
turns out that Paul Walker’s grandpa was the bus driver who mrs doubtfire murdered
and paul walker remembers his grandpa talking about an old lady with hair legs
and sees doubtfire shaving them and puts two and two together
John: this is such a tragic story
poor doubtfly
Tom: well with the help of paul walker, robin williams eventually destroys his alter ego
John: so does paul walker then ingratiate himself into the family?
Tom: if only it was that simple
this is where things get meta
robin williams weakened by mrs doubtfire isnt prepared for what happens next
John: now i’m terrified…
Tom: ALL of Robin Williams other alter egos staart to randomly surface as if he is malfunctioning
so Jack, Patch Adams, Bicentential Man, Jakob The Liar, Peter Pan etc…they all start surfacing randomly
like when the T-1000 at the end of Terminator 2 is malfunctioning
robin williams can no longer control his personality
John: ok i’m definitely in on this project
but don’t forget popeye
Tom: yeah
it’s kinda like a video game boss battle
with each personality, Paul Walker must find its weakness
John: i think we’ve got this wrapped up, what do you think? i’m confident about this one
Tom: sold
The Movie Overdose Presents: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Apologies for the horrendous use of colons in that headline, in penance this week we present our mind-shattering remake of 2001: A Space Odyssey…
Tom: we’ll do 2001 next 😛
John: i’m not sure i like you any more
Tom: first thing we do….remove all ambiguity
audiences dont like to think
John: so it’ll be the first film released with the director’s commentary as part of the overall sound mix
Tom: doubtful
the film needs a lot more work than that
where are the A-list actors?
where is the CGI?
HAL is fine, but he needs an evil face
John: you’re pushing me tom, you’re testing our bond
Tom: also what the fuck is a Space Odyssey? no one knows. We’ll call it 2001: A Space Adventure
well it’ll have to be 3001 since 2001 is a little dated
3001: A Space Adventure!
John: but then some people might assume it’s based on the book 3001: A Final Odyssey
Tom: with the exclaimation mark as mark as part of the title
like anyone reads these days
John: people will have to read our script though
or is this pure improv?
as long as i can retain the rights to the lunchbox merchandise on this project then you can do what you like
Tom: with actors like Paul Walker, David Arquette and Chris Klein in the lead, who needs a script?
John: investors?
Tom: AND despite it being a little weird, we’re keeping the big baby at the end
played by Billy Zane
the investors will be on board because of the big monkey battle at the start
John: this is starting to sound like planet of the apes
planet of the apes: in space
Tom: funny you should say that. we’ll just use longshots from the tim burton film for that
no one saw it and it’ll save money
John: and then the apes battle the fierce HAL for control of the universe?
Tom: the monkeys will have to speak too
Brian Blessed is the head gorilla
John: monkeys + robots = cashprofitmoney?
Tom: i won you back with that one
John: you always win me back with monkeys
if it works on hard-nosed film investors then it’ll definitely work on a sap like me
i want to get Calvin Harris to do the soundtrack
Tom: every 10 minutes there needs to be an action beat
open with the monkey battle
the last monkey standing throws the bone up in the air
people expecting it to cut to a spaceship
WRONG
it cuts to a freaking laser rifle
huge laser rifle battle
then main character wakes up
it was just a dream
which proves our movie is so badass, people dream action set pieces
John: or maybe our main character is secretly a laser rifle-toting ape in a past life
Tom: you seem desperate to tie the apes from the start of the movie with the rest of it
John: but where’s the link?
audiences don’t like ambiguity, you said it yourself
Tom: i dont know
they just saw an epic monkey battle
they’re satisfied
but fine…we can make HAL the disembodied brain of the last surviving ape after that battle
all the other apes are dead
turns out this surviving ape was behind every one significant event on earth
he shot Kennedy
erm. invented velcro
everything
and then becomes a mass computer brain
John: i think you’ve gone mad with power
you need to calm down
Tom: hey i was happy to leave the ape battle seperate. this is the only logical way how we can tie it into the rest of the movie
John: ok fine
can we also have a bad CGI John Colicos saying to the camera at the end “deep down we’re all a bunch of monkeys”
Tom: wow thats a sucker punch
John: roll credits
not a dry eye in the house
everyone is giving us money
Tom: dont know what to do about those monoliths
they seem irrelevant to the story so maybe remove them
no one will miss them
John: or make them into massive orbital cannons
HAL invented them
Tom: well thats works too
also HAL can have two robotic henchman, called Stanley and Kubrick, for a nice in-joke
John: won’t that involve a level of intelligence on the part of the viewer? i’m deeply troubled by a movie that starts out simply to entertain the audience with a massive monkey laser fight only to have a somewhat subtle in-joke later on
Tom: well you have to please the original fans too
John: i don’t think any of this will even remotely please the original fans
i feel that we may have to go into hiding
Tom: as a comprimise, we’ll still call it 2001: A Space Odyssey
so they know what we’re trying to do
John: that’s somehow worse
but i like it
can we have a scene of someone being put into a rubbish bin and thrown down a hill?
this is the only thing i feel the film is missing
what’s a space odyssey without a man in a bin
Tom: the bad guy will have to do that ‘Taking out the trash…the SPACE trash’
John: bin rolls slowly down the hill and exploooodes
cue Calvin Harris
Chris Klein rolls in on a trained ape
defeats HAL somehow
Arquette and the other guy help a little
someone is singing
it’s HAL
HAL is singing to Chris Klein
it’s beautiful
Klein weeps and turns on Arquette and the other guy
Calvin Harris gets louder and appears on screen
Harris disappears
HAL and Klein destroy everything
cue Colicos
credits
i want my money now please
Tom: i have a huge problem with this
John: why
its perfect
drama, intrigue, sexiness
Klein riding a monkey
Tom: when i see the poster for ‘2001: A Space Odyssey- A visionary reimagining of a Stanley Kubrick movie’
i dont want to be looking at just apes and Chris Klein. that’s a bit homoerotic
i want to be looking at MEGAN FOX
and some other talented actresses
wearing skimpy space suits
John: let’s get Elisha Cuthbert in then
happy?
i want my bin scene though
Tom: fine
it can be a real bin too. a nod to the lack of CGI used in the original
that’s two winks
John: i feel you’re playing a risky game here
Tom: we need a video game too. for the monkey battle, it can use the LOTR: Conquest engine
John: i’m off the project, you lost me at that one
going to call time on this one, here’s your last chance. what’s the tagline on the poster going to be?
Tom: Â erm
‘a remake of a film that time (and space) forgot’
John: Â good luck with this
The Movie Overdose Presents: Primer
This week we debate the merits of remaking my favourite film of all time, Primer…
Tom: we’ll do Primer next
all 6 versions of the protagonist fight through time
15 minutes
John: they’ll fight the other guy
heavily outnumbered
7 to 6
Tom: dont worry. the outnumbered guy went back to prehistoric time and stole a T-Rex egg
he reared it for many years, and rides it with a saddle
like dinoriders
John:Â maybe each one of the 6 Aarons could get an awesome weapon from different eras
like a trebuchet
and a howitzer
also, Abe has been recast with Wesley Snipes
Tom: i love it
‘Your TIME has run out Abe’ Aaron shoots Abe with a blunderbuss
lots of time puns
‘You’re LATE for your funeral’
John: early to bed, early to die
Tom: we might have to steal from The Fly, and have some creature get in the box while Abe is travelling
ABEetle
John: that’s so crushingly lame it could work
somewhere along the line aaron becomes a woman
Tom: who gives birth to the original Aaron
creating the ultimate paradox
John: which the movie then proceeds to never address again
close-up shot of Willem Defoe screaming
Tom: the sequel can be called Primers, and is set in a dystopic future, where everyone carries around a time travelling box
John: box? too unwieldy. in the future everyone carries around a metal sash
Tom: except one unassuming character who can travel through time at will and is the chosen one
he is THE PRIMER!!!
and wears black glasses and a long leather coat to prove this
John: he wears it because it was the first coat ever given to him (by himself from the future)
some terrible symbolism in there: first coat, primer, paint
i think i’m falling out of love with this project
Tom: you could say it’s before its time
John: time to call it a day
The Movie Overdose Presents: Stalker
There have been a few times when Tom and I have wondered how easy it must be to make a film these days. Quite often we can have little brainstorming sessions wherein we create masterpiece after masterpiece so we decided to start sharing these little exchanges. Starting from today The Movie Overdose is proud to present a new series of articles that will give you a glimpse into the wonderful world of two of potentially the most awful film producers ever…
This week we present to you a bold re-imagining of Andrei Tarkovsky’s seminal science fiction masterpiece, Stalker.
Tom: Â still could have done with a bullet-time gun battle with aliens at the end
wonder if Paul W.S. Anderson has thought about remaking it
John: Â you live to torment me, don’t you tom?
Tom: Â Woody Harrelson as the Stalker (as that Russian guy reminded me of him)
John: Â i’ll give you that one
nic cage as the Scientist
Tom: Â now you’re on board!
John: Â not sure about Writer
steven seagal
Tom: Â he can die early on. The Zone can be filled with literal traps. maybe he steps on a disintegration bomb
it’ll be called Stalker: Get In The Zone
John: Â yes yes yes
like Cube but in a field
Tom: Â yeah. with a bit of Labyrinth
set it in the US. Â no one knows where Russia is these days
Tom: Â also the scientist is evil and he wishes to transform into a CGI monster
John: Â stalker’s wife Charlize Theron follows him into the Zone
also, the meat grinder is an actual meat grinder
everyone is telekinetic in the zone
Tom: Â it has to be guarded by some creatures too
John: Â bad shadow creatures like the stuff out of The Darkness
i’ve got it
the zone is the result of an experiment with alien technology GONE WRONG
the person now in control of the zone is an evil scientist
ladies and gentlemen
Christopher Walken
Tom: Â AND the Stalker was one of those aliens but got amnesia. that’s why he knows the terrain so well because HE WAS BORN THERE
John: Â he’s also dead
like a thetan
got to get some kind of Scientology slant in there somehow
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