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The Movie Overdose Presents: Mrs Doubtfire 2

mod presents

This week we try out for a direct continuation of the highly potent Mrs Doubtfire franchise. We present to you our valiant attempt at developing a darker new chapter in everyone’s favourite quasi-Scottish nanny’s life…

Tom: yeah sure

lets do it

Mrs Doubtfire 2?

John: alan moore style

behind the mask

so it’s definitely a direct continuation, right? same cast?

Tom: oh absolutely

it’s set maybe 5 years later

the kids can be recast

slightly older

and everything seems normal. Robin Williams is still doing the Mrs Doubtfire show

then one night he comes home to his wife and they’re in bed together. and he starts talking dirty in Mrs Doubtfire’s voice.

they both think it’s hilarious that he’s using an old woman’s voice while in bed. and laugh it off. but then robin williams goes to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and sees Mrs Doubtfire in the reflection

cue titles: Mrs Doubtfire 2: Burning Desire

John: because of the flaming fake breasts?

does that play a role in the next film?

Tom: that’s interesting. maybe in a freak accident on set, the breasts melt and get stuck to him

anyway. so basically robin williams has to deal with the fact that he can no longer control Mrs Doubtfire

also i seem to recall in the first that Mrs Doubtfire is always pining over her dead husband. i forget his name. We’ll call him Norman for the time being

John: ok

Tom: and Mrs Doubtfire wants Norman back, so she’s on the hunt for a replacement Norman

that kindly old bus driver in the first film gets assaulted

John: ah maybe it could be a case of lost time

like robin williams wakes up and doesn’t remember the last few hours

sort of like a transvestite version of Memento

Tom: yeah, but he looks down and he’s wearing frilly knickers

John: that’s right

as Doubtfire he’s trying to fill the void left by norman

Tom: it also becomes a bit like The Fly. because it gets to the point where he’s physically turning into an old lady

he also needs Sally Field out of the picture as she’s not old enough for him

him/her

John: so Brundlefire is gradually morphing over the course of the second act, we’ve set up the schism between him and sally field in the first act, where do we go from there?

Tom: we need a hero

someone to save robin williams

John: the gay couple from the start of the first film?

Tom: oh no. they’re brainwashed by Brundlefire to try and use their make-up skills to make Sally Field look like poor deceased Norman

John: ah yes, of course

shouldn’t take that much work though

Tom: ouch

of course once she looks like Norman, Brundlefire will have to kill her, as Norman is dead. he/she needs to make things perfect

you know i hope the transvestite community isnt appalled by this film.

John: i think a lot of people are going to be appalled by this film. i’m also not sure how i feel about brainwashing the gay couple

there are so many nasty layers to this film

Tom: it’s a nasty film

John: we’ve still not got a hero though

Tom: the cover of the film though will look like the cover of Mrs Doubtfire 1

the trailer too, will be cut to look like a romantic comedy

John: so we’re really going for a suckerpunch of a movie

i like this

Tom: viral marketing too. Robin Williams dressed up as Mrs Doubtfire will respond to random ads in actual newspapers looking for a nanny

John: i think i’d be pretty terrified if williams turned up at my house responding to an ad

John: can pierce brosnan save him?

Tom: oh god i forgot about pierce

of course

he’s the decoy hero though

John: so he dies?

Tom: like scatman crothers in The Shining

yeah. he comes to save the day, then Brundlefire shoves a pepper down his throat and his allergies kill him

John: can we have pierce get a call from williams right at the very start of the movie? so we keep cutting back to brosnan making his way across the globe

only to be peppered in the final reel

Tom: yeah of course

but we still need a hero

what other characters are there in the first one?

John: just looking through imdb, nothing is jumping out

we might need a new character

shouldn’t be too much of a stretch as we have all the important principle cast intact

John: joseph gordon levitt?

Tom: he’s a bit too good for this

John: paul walker

he’s going to be our muse

Tom: ok how about this

paul walker was raised by his grandma who died

and mrs doubtfire comes along and acts as a grandma figure

paul walker has no idea that it’s actually robin williams in disguise

he feels close with Doubtfire, not knowing what he/she is becoming

turns out that Paul Walker’s grandpa was the bus driver who mrs doubtfire murdered

and paul walker remembers his grandpa talking about an old lady with hair legs

and sees doubtfire shaving them and puts two and two together

John: this is such a tragic story

poor doubtfly

Tom: well with the help of paul walker, robin williams eventually destroys his alter ego

John: so does paul walker then ingratiate himself into the family?

Tom: if only it was that simple

this is where things get meta

robin williams weakened by mrs doubtfire isnt prepared for what happens next

John: now i’m terrified…

Tom: ALL of Robin Williams other alter egos staart to randomly surface as if he is malfunctioning

so Jack, Patch Adams, Bicentential Man, Jakob The Liar, Peter Pan etc…they all start surfacing randomly

like when the T-1000 at the end of Terminator 2 is malfunctioning

robin williams can no longer control his personality

John: ok i’m definitely in on this project

but don’t forget popeye

Tom: yeah

it’s kinda like a video game boss battle

with each personality, Paul Walker must find its weakness

John: i think we’ve got this wrapped up, what do you think? i’m confident about this one

Tom: sold

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The Movie Overdose Presents: 2001: A Space Odyssey

mod presents

Apologies for the horrendous use of colons in that headline, in penance this week we present our mind-shattering remake of 2001: A Space Odyssey…

Tom: we’ll do 2001 next 😛

John: i’m not sure i like you any more

Tom: first thing we do….remove all ambiguity

audiences dont like to think

John: so it’ll be the first film released with the director’s commentary as part of the overall sound mix

Tom: doubtful

the film needs a lot more work than that

where are the A-list actors?

where is the CGI?

HAL is fine, but he needs an evil face

John: you’re pushing me tom, you’re testing our bond

Tom: also what the fuck is a Space Odyssey? no one knows. We’ll call it 2001: A Space Adventure

well it’ll have to be 3001 since 2001 is a little dated

3001: A Space Adventure!

John: but then some people might assume it’s based on the book 3001: A Final Odyssey

Tom: with the exclaimation mark as mark as part of the title

like anyone reads these days

John: people will have to read our script though

or is this pure improv?

as long as i can retain the rights to the lunchbox merchandise on this project then you can do what you like

Tom: with actors like Paul Walker, David Arquette and Chris Klein in the lead, who needs a script?

John: investors?

Tom: AND despite it being a little weird, we’re keeping the big baby at the end

played by Billy Zane

the investors will be on board because of the big monkey battle at the start

John: this is starting to sound like planet of the apes

planet of the apes: in space

Tom: funny you should say that. we’ll just use longshots from the tim burton film for that

no one saw it and it’ll save money

John: and then the apes battle the fierce HAL for control of the universe?

Tom: the monkeys will have to speak too

Brian Blessed is the head gorilla

John: monkeys + robots = cashprofitmoney?

Tom: i won you back with that one

John: you always win me back with monkeys

if it works on hard-nosed film investors then it’ll definitely work on a sap like me

i want to get Calvin Harris to do the soundtrack

Tom: every 10 minutes there needs to be an action beat

open with the monkey battle

the last monkey standing throws the bone up in the air

people expecting it to cut to a spaceship

WRONG

it cuts to a freaking laser rifle

huge laser rifle battle

then main character wakes up

it was just a dream

which proves our movie is so badass, people dream action set pieces

John: or maybe our main character is secretly a laser rifle-toting ape in a past life

Tom: you seem desperate to tie the apes from the start of the movie with the rest of it

John: but where’s the link?

audiences don’t like ambiguity, you said it yourself

Tom: i dont know

they just saw an epic monkey battle

they’re satisfied

but fine…we can make HAL the disembodied brain of the last surviving ape after that battle

all the other apes are dead

turns out this surviving ape was behind every one significant event on earth

he shot Kennedy

erm. invented velcro

everything

and then becomes a mass computer brain

John: i think you’ve gone mad with power

you need to calm down

Tom: hey i was happy to leave the ape battle seperate. this is the only logical way how we can tie it into the rest of the movie

John: ok fine

can we also have a bad CGI John Colicos saying to the camera at the end “deep down we’re all a bunch of monkeys”

Tom: wow thats a sucker punch

John: roll credits

not a dry eye in the house

everyone is giving us money

Tom: dont know what to do about those monoliths

they seem irrelevant to the story so maybe remove them

no one will miss them

John: or make them into massive orbital cannons

HAL invented them

Tom: well thats works too

also HAL can have two robotic henchman, called Stanley and Kubrick, for a nice in-joke

John: won’t that involve a level of intelligence on the part of the viewer? i’m deeply troubled by a movie that starts out simply to entertain the audience with a massive monkey laser fight only to have a somewhat subtle in-joke later on

Tom: well you have to please the original fans too

John: i don’t think any of this will even remotely please the original fans

i feel that we may have to go into hiding

Tom: as a comprimise, we’ll still call it 2001: A Space Odyssey

so they know what we’re trying to do

John: that’s somehow worse

but i like it

can we have a scene of someone being put into a rubbish bin and thrown down a hill?

this is the only thing i feel the film is missing

what’s a space odyssey without a man in a bin

Tom: the bad guy will have to do that ‘Taking out the trash…the SPACE trash’

John: bin rolls slowly down the hill and exploooodes

cue Calvin Harris

Chris Klein rolls in on a trained ape

defeats HAL somehow

Arquette and the other guy help a little

someone is singing

it’s HAL

HAL is singing to Chris Klein

it’s beautiful

Klein weeps and turns on Arquette and the other guy

Calvin Harris gets louder and appears on screen

Harris disappears

HAL and Klein destroy everything

cue Colicos

credits

i want my money now please

Tom: i have a huge problem with this

John: why

its perfect

drama, intrigue, sexiness

Klein riding a monkey

Tom: when i see the poster for ‘2001: A Space Odyssey- A visionary reimagining of a Stanley Kubrick movie’

i dont want to be looking at just apes and Chris Klein. that’s a bit homoerotic

i want to be looking at MEGAN FOX

and some other talented actresses

wearing skimpy space suits

John: let’s get Elisha Cuthbert in then

happy?

i want my bin scene though

Tom: fine

it can be a real bin too. a nod to the lack of CGI used in the original

that’s two winks

John: i feel you’re playing a risky game here

Tom: we need a video game too. for the monkey battle, it can use the LOTR: Conquest engine

John: i’m off the project, you lost me at that one

going to call time on this one, here’s your last chance. what’s the tagline on the poster going to be?

Tom:  erm

‘a remake of a film that time (and space) forgot’

John:  good luck with this

The Movie Overdose Presents: Primer

mod presents

This week we debate the merits of remaking my favourite film of all time, Primer…

Tom: we’ll do Primer next
all 6 versions of the protagonist fight through time
15 minutes
16:12
me: they’ll fight the other guy
heavily outnumbered
7 to 6
Tom: dont worry. the outnumbered guy went back to prehistoric time and stole a T-Rex egg
16:13
he reared it for many years, and rides it with a staddle
me: what does that do?
what’s a staddle?
Tom: saddle
16:15
me: oh
Tom: like dinoriders
me: that makes sense now
16:16
maybe each one of the 6 Aarons could get an awesome weapon from different eras
like a trebuchet
and a howitzer
16:17
also, Abe has been recast with Wesley Snipes
16:19
Tom: i love it
16:20
‘Your TIME has run out Abe’ Aaron shoots Abe with a blunderbuss
16:21
lots of time puns
‘You’re LATE for your funeral’
16:22
me: early to bed, early to die
16:23
Tom: we might have to steal from The Fly, and have some creature get in the box while Abe is travelling
ABEetle
16:26
me: that’s so crushingly lame it could work
16:27
somewhere along the line aaron becomes a woman
16:28
Tom: who gives birth to the original Aaron
creating the ultimate paradox
16:32
me: which the movie then proceeds to never address again
close-up shot of Willem Defoe screaming
16:35
Tom: the sequel can be called Primers, and is set in a dystopic future, where everyone carries around a time travelling box
5 minutes
16:41
me: box? too unwieldy. in the future everyone carries around a metal sash
16:42
Tom: except one unassuming character who can travel through time at will and is the chosen one
he is THE PRIMER!!!
and wears black glasses and a long leather coat to prove this
16:46
me: he wears it because it was the first coat ever given to him (by himself from the future)
16:49
some terrible symbolism in there: first coat, primer, paint
i think i’m falling out of love with this project
16:50
Tom: you could say it’s before its time
16:54
me: time to call it a day

Tom: we’ll do Primer next

all 6 versions of the protagonist fight through time

15 minutes

John: they’ll fight the other guy

heavily outnumbered

7 to 6

Tom: dont worry. the outnumbered guy went back to prehistoric time and stole a T-Rex egg

he reared it for many years, and rides it with a saddle

like dinoriders

John: maybe each one of the 6 Aarons could get an awesome weapon from different eras

like a trebuchet

and a howitzer

also, Abe has been recast with Wesley Snipes

Tom: i love it

‘Your TIME has run out Abe’ Aaron shoots Abe with a blunderbuss

lots of time puns

‘You’re LATE for your funeral’

John: early to bed, early to die

Tom: we might have to steal from The Fly, and have some creature get in the box while Abe is travelling

ABEetle

John: that’s so crushingly lame it could work

somewhere along the line aaron becomes a woman

Tom: who gives birth to the original Aaron

creating the ultimate paradox

John: which the movie then proceeds to never address again

close-up shot of Willem Defoe screaming

Tom: the sequel can be called Primers, and is set in a dystopic future, where everyone carries around a time travelling box

John: box? too unwieldy. in the future everyone carries around a metal sash

Tom: except one unassuming character who can travel through time at will and is the chosen one

he is THE PRIMER!!!

and wears black glasses and a long leather coat to prove this

John: he wears it because it was the first coat ever given to him (by himself from the future)

some terrible symbolism in there: first coat, primer, paint

i think i’m falling out of love with this project

Tom: you could say it’s before its time

John: time to call it a day

The Movie Overdose Presents: Stalker

mod presents

There have been a few times when Tom and I have wondered how easy it must be to make a film these days. Quite often we can have little brainstorming sessions wherein we create masterpiece after masterpiece so we decided to start sharing these little exchanges. Starting from today The Movie Overdose is proud to present a new series of articles that will give you a glimpse into the wonderful world of two of potentially the most awful film producers ever…

This week we present to you a bold re-imagining of Andrei Tarkovsky’s seminal science fiction masterpiece, Stalker.

Tom:  still could have done with a bullet-time gun battle with aliens at the end
wonder if Paul W.S. Anderson has thought about remaking it
Sent at 15:33 on Monday
me:  you live to torment me, don’t you tom green?
Sent at 15:34 on Monday
Tom:  Woody Harrelson as the Stalker (as that Russian guy reminded me of him)
me:  i’ll give you that one
nic cage as the Scientist
Tom:  now you’re onboard!
me:  not sure about Writer
steven seagal
Tom:  he can die early on. The Zone can be filled with literal traps. maybe he steps on a disintegration bomb
it’ll be called Stalker: Get In The Zone
me:  yes yes yes
like Cube but in a field
Tom:  yeah. with a bit of Labyrinth
set it in the US. no one knows where Russia is these days
Sent at 15:41 on Monday
Tom:  also the scientist is evil and he wishes to transform into a CGI monster
Sent at 15:42 on Monday
me:  stalker’s wife Charlize Theron follows him into the Zone
also, the meat grinder is an actual meat grinder
everyone is telekinetic in the zone
Tom:  it has to be guarded by some creatures too
Sent at 15:44 on Monday
me:  bad shadow creatures like the stuff out of The Darkness
i’ve got it
the zone is the result of an experiment with alien technology GONE WRONG
the person now in control of the zone is an evil scientist
ladies and gentlemen
Christopher Walken
Tom:  AND the Stalker was one of those aliens but got amnesia. that’s why he knows the terrain so well because HE WAS BORN THERE
me:  he’s also dead
like a thetan
got to get some kind of Scientology slant in there somehoww

Tom:  still could have done with a bullet-time gun battle with aliens at the end

wonder if Paul W.S. Anderson has thought about remaking it

John:  you live to torment me, don’t you tom?

Tom:  Woody Harrelson as the Stalker (as that Russian guy reminded me of him)

John:  i’ll give you that one

nic cage as the Scientist

Tom:  now you’re on board!

John:  not sure about Writer

steven seagal

Tom:  he can die early on. The Zone can be filled with literal traps. maybe he steps on a disintegration bomb

it’ll be called Stalker: Get In The Zone

John:  yes yes yes

like Cube but in a field

Tom:  yeah. with a bit of Labyrinth

set it in the US.  no one knows where Russia is these days

Tom:  also the scientist is evil and he wishes to transform into a CGI monster

John:  stalker’s wife Charlize Theron follows him into the Zone

also, the meat grinder is an actual meat grinder

everyone is telekinetic in the zone

Tom:  it has to be guarded by some creatures too

John:  bad shadow creatures like the stuff out of The Darkness

i’ve got it

the zone is the result of an experiment with alien technology GONE WRONG

the person now in control of the zone is an evil scientist

ladies and gentlemen

Christopher Walken

Tom:  AND the Stalker was one of those aliens but got amnesia. that’s why he knows the terrain so well because HE WAS BORN THERE

John:  he’s also dead

like a thetan

got to get some kind of Scientology slant in there somehow